I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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