I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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