remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
