OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
