That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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