Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
