That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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