Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
