I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
PANTIES FOUND
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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