you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
