I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
