I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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