wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
