Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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