I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
