its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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