I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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