yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
