We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
