forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
