Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
