I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
