Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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