What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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