i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize