Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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