hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
