I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
