i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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