Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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