is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
soo... how was my night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
