I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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