I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He felt like a one man threesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
