It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize