Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
