so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to calm my uterus...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
