textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
