found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
