I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
