No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
