maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
