just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
