Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
