He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
