Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
