While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
