he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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