wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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