I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
