That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
