drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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