This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
