all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
