She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
