I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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