not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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