the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
