I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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