My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
