He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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