My liver just broke up with me...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize