my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
