You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
