I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
