Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
