i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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