that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
