I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
