hotel room ftw
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
