No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize